An Important Letter to My Girls

Dear Girls,

There’s a part of life that people don’t often talk about. Maybe out of shame. Maybe to stay positive. Whatever the reason may be, Depression is often a hush hush topic. My lovely girls, Mommy slipped into a deep depression this last year. It was sneaky and mysterious. The lines between typical daily struggle and something darker blurred together to the point where there were no distinguishing differences.

I was 100% my worst self. I did not recognize the person talking to her children, and I did not like her. The scariest part was that I did not recognize that person as someone who was struggling. I thought that was me. The new me. And that’s when things took a turn for the worst. I knew that I wanted more for you then what I had become, and I was certain life would be better without me in it. I hate saying that. I hate admitting that it took me getting to the lowest of lows to realize that maybe this wasn’t me. That I needed help. And fortunately that’s exactly what I received. From your dad, family, friends, my doctor, and one really great counselor. All of these amazing people would help me realize that maybe I wasn’t helpless and such a failure, and that it is 100% OK to take an antidepressant.

As I write this, it has only been 3 months since my “Dark Day” so all of this still feels very fresh. I want you to know that this was not you, nor was it me. It just was. And if someday you find yourself not recognizing your own behavior, I want you to reach out to tell me or someone who knows you well that you trust. Tell them. Tell them the behavior that doesn’t feel like you. Tell them to watch out for you and to make sure you don’t slip deeper. Don’t be afraid. Don’t be ashamed. People love you and believe in you.

I hope that whenever you (or anyone else) read this that you find strength. Strength to admit and face your struggles. Strength to be vulnerable. Strength to hope for your future.

My darling girls, I am so sorry for who I was to you during that period of life. With time, I hope to fade those memories by replacing them with ones full of joy.

Love,

Mom

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6 COMMENTS
  1. Friend, what a beautiful and daring letter. I am so glad that you received support and are now offering encouragement to others. ❤️

  2. Samantha

    Thank you so much for sharing. My depression resurfacing after I have the baby is one of my greatest fears. To know someone who has experienced this and prevailed gives me hope. Again thank you.

  3. Molly Martin

    Jilly…. you are the strongest and best mama I know! Your honesty is refreshing and your love for your girls is inspiring! Love you tons ❤️😍❤️

  4. Penny Johnson

    A brave and courageous letter, Jill. Depression is one of those things that people don’t want to talk about, but unless we do, others will not know there is a path out of the dark tunnel. I too walked your path. One day a pastor friend asked this question to me. “how are you”? It wasn’t one of a cordial greeting, but one that reached me in my soul..It was at that very moment that I started on my path to wellness. Keep sharing your story.

  5. My sweet Jilly. This is so beautifully written and so powerful. Thank you for being brave and honest. I love you.

  6. Jenny Bennett

    Why do we tend to be so ashamed of something that is so common in the human experience? We are fragile. You my dear are wise beyond your years and most stout-hearted. Hugs and prayers.

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